No one should be subjected to my belly aching – except Cathy and sometimes Tom (well, and I guess Valerie, too). So you won’t read much of that sort of thing here.
Nevertheless the last two months of our lives have had an unusual background energy drain with our decision to move to Orlando, and the absence of that aspect of our life from this blog would be inconsistent.
While we don’t plan to change our decision, and while we even anticipated the discomfort we’re experiencing now, this has been both the hardest decision we’ve ever made as well as the hardest decision we’ve ever had to live with.
We had enough clarity to make a decision at one point in time, 26 January 2006 @ 11:30 am!, but since then the pain of unsettled emotions put us back into a cloud bank. Having decided to pursue one set of advantages in Orlando, we now are acutely aware of all the advantages here in Budapest we’re leaving behind.
In our past, our conviction of God’s leading created enough resolve and momentum to get past the emotional consequences of the decision. For example, moving to Budapest from Orlando three years ago was hard, but we knew it was where God was leading, so following through was not in question nor painful to do.
In this case, we had two nearly equal options and the freedom to choose either. There did not appear to be a “right” choice between the two. We finally concluded that our act of faith would be to make a choice and trust God to sovereignly work his purposes into the outcome.
So we decided, in a moment of God-given (I think) clarity, to move to Orlando. We expected that the clouds would begin to clear and the value of our decision would become apparent, but instead even more clouds rolled in, and we have remained in the fog ever since. Except that we made a decision, and we made it by faith.
So we’re clinging to hope and belief that God is bigger than our ability to make a decision and will work this out for good.
It’s not getting any easier, and it’s burned up a lot of energy in our lives lately.
Today I will quit thinking about it anymore and get on with moving ahead.